no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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