Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize