I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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