i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
