The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
