for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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