I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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