About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
