Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
