We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
