chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
