how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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