I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
