I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
