Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
