Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
