Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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