i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
