Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize