When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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