remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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