I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
