and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
