If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
