the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
