I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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