he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
