But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
