marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
