My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
