Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I forget how to act sober
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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