I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
