I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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