True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
