Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
