My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
