Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
