My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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