the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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