Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize