i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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