You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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