Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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