Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
