She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
