Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
