So drunk its hurt
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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