I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
