at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize