Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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