There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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