She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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