omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
