just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize