Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
