Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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