All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
