Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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