he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
