I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How's work?
Spinning.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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