he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
