The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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