No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
