remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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