And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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