Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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