Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
