i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
