After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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