she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
